A Regained Trust

October 12, 2008 - A supposed-to-be happy day for me despite loosing a dance competition held at SM Mega Mall. I didn't feel very sad after the result of the contest has been announced. I went home happily with my best friend. But when I reached home, I've found out the very reason to be sad and scared.

At exactly 10 o'clock in the evening, flying kitchen utensils, broken dining table and the smashed door of our room - these are the things that welcomed me home. All these were done by my angry and disappointed dad. I ran quickly to our room to ask my siblings what happened. My knees trembled. my heart beats and pumps twice as much blood. My mom told me that dad found out the secret I've been keeping eight months then. I don't want to mention it directly here but let's just say that it is something that really made my dad lose his full trust on me. It was a total shocking experience for me. I don't have anything in mind that time but to sincerely apologize to my dad. I felt very guilty. I prayed asking God to give me enough courage to say sorry to my dad and admit that it was completely my fault.

The next day, I gave him a letter I wrote and I talked to him. I told him all the reasons why I've done such act and I promised to make up for my mistake. I can see the ungratefulness and disappointment on my dad's face. He only opened his mouth once and said, " I am really disappointed with what you did and it made me lose my trust on you. But because you promise that you will never do it again, I forgive you. I am like this to you because I love you".

This experience really changed my whole being. From a daughter who doesn't believe that my parents do love me, I am now a daughter who knows and believes that my parents love and trust me a lot. There is no reason for me to keep any secret or to do something out of their will.

This is the one I wrote for our first writing exercise in our Journalism class. Miss C commented "Good!" for this paper :D

HOW IT ALL BEGAN :)

“Just dance!”

Simple, compassionate and gullible- these were just some of the adjectives that could best describe me. I may seem to be a trouble-free person but there is something bugging my mind and that is the desire to make use of my God-given talent through the art of dancing.

My eyes were further opened when I first saw C*CATT (Creative Communicators and Artists Talent Team) Street Elite Crew, the official dance troupe of the Miriam College Communication Department, groove in the First Year Orientation. I was stunned by the marvelous dance moves of the group and told myself that I will audition for I feel that it is the right time to venture into the field which has been part of my loves and dreams since I was young. I have been planning to join a dance club since high school however, that time; I don’t have enough bravery to try for auditions.

Just like in fairytales, it was dream come true when I finally passed the screening of the group. The first few days of trainings were a bit difficult but I managed to adjust and do my best during trainings and performances. We perform in school orientations, invitational guestings, street dance competitions (Skechers, ETC, RX), etc. Being part of C*CATT is something I am most passionate about. It has become a totally all-consuming passion. It has left me invigorated-physically and mentally. Night and day, I have the dance routines permanently pictured in my mind. C*CATT has given me something new that I could throw myself into. It is also an opportunity to know other dancers from other schools who are also trained under the same studio, the Orange Dance Studio in Pasig City. I get to know people from different walks of life who each have their own styles and sentiments when it comes to dancing.

I have reached this quite far and for that, I would like to extend my warmest gratitude to God, family and friends for being my powerful driving forces in pursuing my career as a dancer. I would also like to thank our choreographers, Nay Jen and Tay Dex for sharing with me their creative juices in dancing. And lastly, to my beloved C*CATT, let us keep on dancing until our bodies won’t let us anymore.

These are just some of the photos of our group. For more, visit my multiply site tuibeo.multiply.com :D thanks!

A Day In My Shoes

To spend a life for me means living without too much unnecessary needs and wants. One accurate reason would be because I cannot afford having such. However, knowing my own personality, a simple citizen of this country, I can proudly say I cannot be like that even if I am better-off like Lopez, Ayala, etc. I hope that as you read my paper you’d see yourself how it is living one day on my shoes.

From Tuesdays to Fridays, I’d wake up early in the morning. Probably two hours before my 1^st class or sometimes, when I need to finish a requirement on that morning, I’d wake up at around 4 o’clock. I usually get up first before I hear my cell phone alarm. At times, I’d ask my mother to wake me up and one good thing is that I am not hard to wake up. Little noises are big disturbances to me. However, on weekends, the latest time that I’d wake up is 12nn and as teenagers would call it, I’ll be eating “brunch” (breakfast and lunch) on lunch time. Blockmates!

Eating breakfast is like a mood for me. When I’m happy and bouncy, I would eat a lot for breakfast so that I can save money for early lunch at school and I can have bountiful amount of energy. But when I am not, I’d go straight to the bathroom and take a shower. Since our family can be classified as below average or average type of family in the Philippine setting, my mother would always prepare hotdog, embutido, scrambled egg, noodles or Lucky Me Hot and Spicy Pancit Canton or if she cannot cook for me she would buy goto at the nearby eatery. Any of those for breakfast is enough for me. I don’t ask for something new.

After ten minutes of eating, I’d go taking a bath for 15- 20 minutes while 20- 40 minutes during weekends. I can’t do a lot and stay a little longer inside the bathroom because I should hurry so that I won’t be late for my first class.

I spend 15- 20 minutes dressing up for school but whenever I go somewhere, in the mall or to a party, 20 – 30 minutes would be enough to make me all ready. We don’t have maids of course so I do all the ironing and sorting of our clothes except for washing. We hire a lady to do the washing for us.

Sometimes, when it isn’t raining or the weather is not too hot, my father and I would ride our motorcycle and he’d send me to school. 10-15 minutes would be enough for my father to take me to MC since motorcycle riding knows no traffic. But when it’s raining too hard, the sun is too high and I have lots of things to bring, I’d take FX or jeepney going to school. 30 minutes when there’s no traffic and more than that when there’s a bumper to bumper traffic especially at Katipunan Avenue.

That’s how everyday, especially in college for me. All school days are the same to me. It only varies on the things I am going to do in school. Sometimes, we have plain lectures, quizzes, oral reports, graded recitation, written exams and sometimes, the professor isn’t around. Well, that’s how school day goes for me. And it goes again and again every day.

During weekends, some teenagers like me would go shopping in the mall and attending parties but I’d rather stay home and do more important things there. During Saturdays, it’s either I go to school for work (I am a college scholar and I am required to do work in school.), attend dance training or stay home. As a college scholar, I am assigned to work in the Administrative Services Office (AO) for 70 hours per semester. Good thing this semester, I only have to work half of the working hours so that makes it 35 hours because fortunately, I made it in the dean’s list last semester. It’s automatic that the working hours of a college scholar who made it in the dean’s list will be divided into half. It’s actually one of my driving forces why I study really very hard.

On Sundays, I’d wake up at 12nn again but sometimes, actually most of the time, when there’s a big need to work on my assignments on Saturdays and Sundays, I’d wake up at around 8 am. Attending mass is the highlight of my Sundays. I’d see to it that I hear mass every Sunday, however, due to sickness and sometimes, my homeworks, I can no longer attend mass and I only hear mass on TV. Just last February 2009, I became a member of St. Cecillia’s Liturgical Children’s Choir. Actually, I’m not really into singing but I want to sing for Him although I cannot really sing in good tune. Most of the members are children ages 10- 17 years old.

ST CECILLA'S CHOIR

When I was in grade school and high school, Monday is a school day. But come college, Monday is no longer a school day but a day to either rest, do loads of homeworks, attend organization where I am a member, or simply stay home. Well, Monday is also a work day for me. I usually go to school to work and afterwards, go home or either attend training.

When it comes to shopping and preferences for certain types of products, I am neither a very meticulous nor a choosy type of buyer. Aside from the fact that I don’t have much money to splurge on highly branded apparels, foot wears and accessories, I can satisfy myself with clothes sold in RTWs, Divisoria, Greenhills, tiangges, dry market and ukay-ukay. I don’t buy expensive branded things. Neither do I ask my parents nor friends to buy me such. I am fine with products which aren’t that expensive and aren’t branded for as long as they suit my simple style and they can last long. I love to buy products that are very colorful. I just hate buying things that are plain red, orange and black. Cute-looking products attract my eyes so easily that I buy some of them at times. On top of shopping and buying thing, the most important point that I never forget is that I will not buy things that I will not use. It’s not my habit to waste money and effort.

During spare times like summer vacations, semestral breaks, and holidays, I usually stay home. I am not so much into traveling to some places except of course if a family friend of us invited us for free, somewhere in Boracay or Tagaytay which happened three years ago. At home, I think there are a lot of things I do there during spare time. Sporty and outgoing (not literally that I often like going out :p) - those are just some of the adjectives to describe me. My friends and I play volleyball and badminton outside our house. Sometimes, I also play basketball which I learned to love just last semester because of our PE104 class. Just last summer, I also learned to love playing cards. My friend taught me how to play cards and my older sister even taught me how to play poker. While on the other side, dancing is something I love to do. I am a member (SY07-09) and the IVP of Miriam C*CATT Street Dancers (SY 09-10). Our group performs in orientations, invitational guestings, competitions, etc. This is one of the things that make me really busy aside from my academics, work, family and friends.

C*CATT AND SCANDOLLZ ( my highschool barkada :P )

As for my preparation for the future, I make it a point to understand and be able to apply all the important processes and ideas I have learned in school because I know that more or less, those would be my weapons as I enter the corporate world. Just last Friday, we met in our TV prod class and I’m so overwhelmed by the way everything goes in TV so I would really listened very carefully so that I’d learn so much. My classmate and I are planning to apply in ABS-CBN for internship. This TV Prod class would be very beneficial for my future OJT and work days. I also want to be trained in Radio Production. I want to be a DJ or maybe someone who works for radio. After two to three years, I am planning to work abroad. My parents are of great influence to me so they said that I should work abroad because of high salary. Honestly, I am not yet sure if I’m going to pursue this but if times and situations call for it, I might as well take it.

In one to two years, I’d be in the real world, working and earning a living. When I entered college, I started to prepare myself to become a responsible person. I think that the right time to start is now. I treat every professor as a boss and every task as a job assigned to me and I am paid so I should do my best to give a good output and become an outstanding employee/ college student.

All of these comprise my personal lifestyle, plans for the future, habits and activities. Well, life is not a matter of spending it the way you want, but treating everyday like it’s the last.

Transformation: It's Within My Hands :)

Transformation simply means the occurrence of a personal experience which gives a kind of positive change in the spiritual and emotional aspect of a human person. To change myself can be a frightening or rewarding experience, transforming into something and someone I’ve never been, or never saw myself as becoming. Spiritually, emotionally, physically, they are one in the same within me, and to change any, or all of those, is a big responsibility.

The way to personal transformation will never be seen in the lives of other people but in me alone, because believe it or not, it is totally different for each and every one of us. Society dictates about idolizing and following another human being who has been through all these problems and has achieved genuine happiness. In that case, I don’t want to oppose the notion that those kinds of people give me inspiration and encourage me to strive more to be able to succeed in life as well. But that is, I think the shallow sense of making someone as my motivation in all the things that I will do. The path to my own personal transformation will never be reached by merely lending my ears and acting upon what successful people have done in attempt to complete their desired goals. These kinds of drive and motivation may reflect truth and happiness. However, the truth and happiness that those show are conventional but not the truth itself. I should and must have my own and exceptional mental picture of life and bliss. That vision will most likely be expressed and accomplished as I seek for the real meaning of all these things.

To be totally transformed, it is necessary for me to know that all those things are guided within. It may sound old school but the only thing that has never changed and will never ever be changed in this universe is the idea of change and transformation. Everything will definitely change and everyone has the right to change especially if that transformation will bring forth the real happiness one has been looking for. I need not to compare my life with that of other people but the best way is for me to weigh all the pertinent things in my life, discern that one single thing which I personally believe will make me thousand notches happier than how I am right now and start my journey. I shall begin doing it my own, meet other people that would help me attain happiness, be subjected to failure and reach transformation. Now ask yourselves and reflect. Have you recognized your real happiness? Have you started doing it all by yourself? This is all what I mean by own personal transformation.