Putting pen to paper has been what I desire to do. I believe this would be one of my stepping stones :)
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Hey! Lemme Tell You This
Sunday, July 12, 2009
BE ELITE : JOIN C*CATT STREET!
C*CATT Street photoshoot pics for 2008 C*CATTITUDE II Dance Concert :) From Ate Ria Abrera's SLR :D (I'm the one in off-shoulder stripes and curly hair :) and the one with cap on and gray vest :D
To become an epitome of an impressive dancer/performer with every spin of the head, wave of the arms, lock of the chest and stride of the feet is what C*CATT Street promise YOU.
2008 Valentines Day Perf :D
The official dance troupe of the Miriam College Communication Department, C*CATT (Creative Communication Artists and Talents Team) Street Elite Crew will hold its 2nd audition on Monday, July 20 2009 from 9am- 12nn and 1pm-5pm at the Paz Adriano Room104 (PA104). C*
“We opted to have another set of audition to accommodate more wannabes who will be trained to become distinguished dancers grooving to the beat as one team.” said Nikki Medina, C*
The entire audition proper will be supervised by the said group together with an officer from the ComSoc (Communication Society), formerly called CAASOC (Communication Arts and Advertising Society). In the auditions, a 2-minute dance routine will be taught by the group with the ratio of one group member to five students. Each student is also required to execute a 1-minute dance routine the group asked them to prepare. They will also be encouraged to execute any stunts that they know. The group will evaluate the aspirants based on the following criteria: accuracy 25%, precision 25%, power 20%, character 15% and over-all impact 15%. For the students’ own safety, the group requests them to come in their most comfortable training clothes (rubber shoes, jazz pants, jogging pants and t-shirt). For the past six years, the audition has been open to AB Communication students alone but this school year, the group opens its doors to interested non-AB Communication students as well.


MAPUA CONCERT 08 AND CCATTITUDE CONCERT 08
Joining different hip-hop street dance battles in the Metro, carrying the most “Best in Costume” awards from different competitions and performing in various invitational guestings made C*CATT Street Elite Crew a remarkable troupe in and out of the school. Skechers Street Dance Battle, RX 93.1, ETC, Honda, Pringles are the dance contests the group have joined to name but a few. Outstanding alumni are Diane Medina, model, actress and ABS-CBN Banana Split former main stay and Patrizha Marie Martinez, former president and eldest daughter of Mr. and Mrs. William and Yayo Martinez. C*CATT is the only all-girl college team trained under Orange Dance Studio by Miss Jen Real-Lim, their choreographer. Indeed, the spirit of girl-power is evident in the group.
Audition passers will be informed by the group through SMS few days after the screening. See also C*
Now, do you have what it takes to dance with the winning women of C*

Sunday, July 5, 2009
Can Stillness Mean Happiness? :D
I spent my entire life looking for approval. Beginning with school, it’s hammered into my head to follow. The entire society tells me to follow. Now that I am mature enough to think rationally and critically, can I seek for genuine bliss on my own? Can I set for myself what true happiness is all about? Can I do it my own way?
The environment I live in got itself in a big hurry and produced a lot of noise along the way. Aside from the noise emitted from sound devices, there are a lot of noise which are more distracting all over the place. Seems everyone today is on the go to some where, need to be listened to by a friend, or amused by an external source. We all seem in need of something with us to be able to do certain things, doing not just one thing at a time and in our term, it is like multi-tasking. The common folks cannot or will not walk, drive, shop, play, or eat without their favorite buddy; cell phone, I-Pod, or PSP. I am not against hi-tech gadgets made to improve our communication, and give listening or watching enjoyment with quickness and ease. I too make use of these technological devices. However, for me all is done in restraint.
It's ok to get quiet once in a while because there are a lot of possibilities we can see and get in being quiet. We live in a busy world where nature is vibrant, plenty and wonderful. Most of the time, we forgot the outstanding benefits we can get from being one with nature.
I find genuine bliss in getting quiet, in simply being one with nature. I think that bliss for me is not only when I am away from the noise of the society but far away from the temporary, external and physical happiness of the world. These are things like hanging out with friends, going out to shopping, eating at my favorite restaurant, etc. These are nothing but shallow things which do not really touch the internal being of a person. Furthermore, these are not eternal things for it will be forgotten once the person owning that experience grew old and died. Listening to birds chirping or wind blowing through the trees is absolutely astounding. Simple standing on our rooftop while looking at the mountains and skies gives me a different kind of feeling. How long has it been since I allowed myself to completely get away from the strains of today and attach myself with nature. I’ve been very busy especially when second year college started. Connecting with the nature has allowed me to tap into my true self, and therefore better appreciate certain phases of my life such as love, modesty, clemency and integrity. It has awakened myself and has cleared my mind with the bad intentions I have had before. During the times when I find myself very lost because of the things that are happening around me, it is the most perfect time that I can reflect and discern on the things which I think can give me the true and real happiness I have been seeking for. To find peace deep inside myself is the happiest experience I can ever have.
Nature in its innocent form is all about a more advanced form of living. As spiritual beings, we're no different; we all want to have more, to become more, to experience more. All of us are all the same. And the path to go to that stage of contentment, to live a life of radiance, is to mature in accord through mind, physical body and soul. This is very important as we commune with nature. I cannot achieve true happiness by only cultivating one part of my being and yet disregarding the other two. For me to know my full capability, I must be growing in all three aspects of my life. All continues to be an excellent and self-rewarding experience for me, and calmness for the soul.
If this is new for you, or if it has been a while, begin by simply being the viewer. Try this one day. Do not bring anyone. Go somewhere, a place where there is nothing that could distract you. Observe nature where life is revealing right before our eyes, and where all is happening with unproblematic convenience and without obstacles. We will want to detach ourselves physically far away from the cellular phone, desktop, television, acquaintances, and then allow ourselves to let loose emotionally, letting go of all the bad thinking, which piles up our skulls. You will discover something you haven’t known before. Each time I do this I see myself as the individual I want to be, not the woman who has struggles in her life. My life becomes a blank canvas and I am the one holding the brush.
What is the lightest and most quiet feeling that a person can ever feel in her life? I think it is to help other people in need. Doing things for her and for other people without any bad intentions within herself is indeed the lightest work to do on earth. And if you’re going to ask me where is genuine happiness and bliss in that scenario, I strongly believe that it is something hidden from what the eyes can barely see and what all the senses can barely perceive.
When I go back to usual busy days and face the challenges, it’s a whole different chance. Because of the bliss that this quietness brings me, I find it very happy and very fulfilling to help and do things for other people without any hidden agenda. To simply help and do favor for another person without worrying much if I’ve pleased the other is something very rewarding for me. For instance, sharing a smile with a stranger, helping someone without an expectation of returned favor, sharing my time and my happiness are just some of the few that I can least do.
We are so concerned about the society's estimation on us that most of us end up in making ourselves suffer. It shouldn’t be the scenario all the way. If you go ahead in your life without thinking of what others think and do things which bring true happiness to you, that’s what life is all about. But remember to take note that the things that give us real happiness should be the things that will not harm or bring chaos to others. We simply have to live in unison with one another. Doing things only to make others happy, thinking that to be a great thing and achieving contentment on that means nothing. No one in this universe could make others happy without themselves being happy. Only our own self can tell us whether what it is that will make and give us our real happiness in life. If finding peace and silence first and then acting upon what is needed to be done can define what real happiness for me is, whether it is something awkward for other people, I will not mind what they will say. It is my own way of seeing through things and finding for that one single thing I have been yearning for, which is true happiness.
Take a break from life. After all, it's your life and you deserve the best. Know for yourself what is the most pertinent, and do that to your living. Only you can know what’s best for yourself. All I want continues to show itself in my life, through hoping, connecting with nature, and in being calm and getting silent. J
Advertisement Of My Taste :D

We don't have scanner at home. I wasn't able to put here the exact print ad of Marlboro but that ad is somehow the same with these two other ads I've researched on Google. Btw, I saw that ad which I like from the book "100 Great Advertisements" :)
Out of the number of print ads I have researched on magazines, books and flyers, this straight-forward yet thorough advertisement of Marlboro cigarette caught my attention. Reading the descriptions and information written within the print advertisement, it completely gives a whole picture of what the product is all about, its features and value, without offensiveness and arrogance towards its competitor brands. Together with the minimalist approach in the layout, the advertisement managed not to waste words and not to discuss too much over the readers’ heads. I think that the words, phrases and adjectives were carefully chosen as to make the advertisement more effective and sufficient. With the informative layout of the advertisement, I believe that it appeals to both women and men although the advertisement only used a big picture of a masculine American cowboy, to be exact. The heading fell logically into place in reverse within the picture area. One thing that is amazing about this advertisement is the major emphasis it has given to the cigarette itself although it is endorsing the new packaging as well. The only thing that I think is lacking in this print advertisement is the presence of the health reminder, “Cigarette smoking is dangerous to your health.” I believe that an efficient and valuable advertisement is an advertisement that cares for the welfare and well-being of its customers. I strongly believe that Marlboro cigarette sells a lot in the Philippine market not only because of its cheap price and good taste (for smokers’ point-of-view of course) but because its advertisements are simple and detailed.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
A Letter To A Debutant :D
Shoot! It’s your day.How does it feel to be in the last stage of being a minor? How does it also feel reaching this far? Wo0oh! Hahaha Now you know the feeling that we’re not getting any younger. At Last, you’re of legal age and so am I. Hehehe since it’s your day, I will shower you with sweet acclaims and praises! Naks! I will be so nice to you in this very moment in time. Just this time! Hihihi I have told you this before. You have a very, very special space and place in my heart! I love you my friend. For that, let me give you rationales why I effin adore you:
I love you because you’re a good person to love. Hahaha! Ask Ate rikki. She must be very familiar with the line. Hehehe. No! It’s true. You’re a very pleasant person to love. No one would ever regret knowing you, either a friend or a lover. You’re good in all sense because you also make my day right and you are…. are.. Simply irresistible! Wahaha Wahehe There’s no harm in loving you. (Just the snoopiness of the people around) *kidding*
I love you because you’re a patient listener. I do not know if you’re just a great pretender whenever I am telling senseless and petty stories but if you are, you’re effin good! J But I hope you indeed listen not just with ears but with the ears of your heart w0ooh!
I love you because of your weird and peculiar personality. Often times you’re quiet and hushed then suddenly, you become like a kid minding your dorky and embarrassing stuffs. In time you’re boyish and in a minute, you’re all girly! Hahaha I am sort of confused with your identity. It’s indeed a crisis.
I love you because you’re a nicer version of me. I never thought that I will find a complement or a supplement of me. hahaha We may not have lots of commonalities but I believe, whether or not, we’ll click But everyone knows you’re nicer hahaha
I love you because there’s always something new each time we meet. There’s always something new to talk about, laugh about and get pissed when we talk. We share gossips and all. Often times, we’re so casual when we talk each other but in those times, have you ever felt the air along with those civil talks? Hahaha! There are sprinkles of happiness Hahaha. Believe it or not, you’re my best bud next to Thal
I love you because you’re not afraid to be you. (Although some important people in your life may not give worth to it). But swear, I do this is what makes me secure. When you’re being yourself, I feel comfortable being myself too. There are countless good points in you, really. But I know these already make you feel super flattered. Anyway, you’ve been such a good girl friend to me. I don’t know if I’ve been a good friend to you. I am not a very expressive or touchy-feel type but I do care a lot about you Angela.
I love you because you’re very accepting of people. I don’t know if in this long you have accepted me yet but I believe you already did You don’t get all “yuck or jologs” with my rants and you don’t look at me in a demeaning way. You’re still there to be my super extra special friend despite my not-so-good attributes
I love you because you care so much about me. I don’t know. I woke up one day with this feeling that however I justify that I am more caring than you are, times give me moments of realization that it was really you who is a lot more caring than me. You never fail to make me feel safe and secure
And lastly, I love you because of your cute and funny face. You always say that you’re not as good-looking as to other people but believe when I say that you’re face is the CUTEST AND PRETTIEST face I’ve ever seen on earth. I can easily distinguish Angela from other Angelas. You’re the living legend
HAPPY DEBUT :D
Protecting Myself Is Not The Same As Saying I'm Guilty...
It was a coincident. I didn’t really intend to recall all the bad things that had happened on that day last year. Maybe it was destiny already that brought me out to say my side and defend myself from all the wrong perceptions and thoughts you guys have on me. I was really saddened by the feed backs I heard and I cannot take being talked about or being thought of things which aren’t really true.
I thought everything was alright when I stated my side during that day. I thought everyone understood that it isn’t really my fault. I was set-up. I thought that you sympathize with me as how you sympathize with the other people involved. I thought my name was cleared from the moment we went out from the place and leave the entire occurrence that really shocked us all. And now I realized, as I come close to the end of this particular paragraph, all my statements above start with the phrase "I thought". And once I again, I thought you've forgiven me. However, I was wrong.
The issue didn’t stop there and as to what I've learned from those people who believe in me, everybody still feels the same thing about me. They think the same way and look at me with rages in their eyes. Those prejudices hurt me so much to the point of losing my sense of belonging and feeling the pain of not being listened and heard regarding my side. I feel so down because people tend to accuse me of things I didn't really do. You guys prime the conversation saying that it’s impossible that the thing was simply put by the woman and that there’s a greater possibility that the other thing is with me as well. You know how it hurts to be accused with the things you really did not do at all? Of course, I also understand the feeling of the victim but being blamed with the act is much more painful because all people’s eyes were on me as they watch and interrogate about the crime they thought I'm into. Bad words, negative perceptions, show-offs, accusations, being talked about and most especially, SILENT TREATMENT hurt the most. All along, I thought people are kind to me. But, one day, I’ll find out that they are just being plastic to me. People ceased being close to me because at the back of their minds is the incident that had happened. I cannot blame you for seeing things like that but I just hope that you would also understand my part. As what I’ve always said, I did not do the things you thought I did. I said this before and I will keep on saying this, only heaven knows what's true. I know that this might not have an effect on you guys but I know for a mere fact that you are understanding enough that your eyes will be further open to what is real. I just stated what I really feel here because I don’t want to be stabbed on my back. We are friends and sisters before these things had happened and I hope that we could restore the friendship we had before. I hope that this won’t be another venue for you guys to talk about these things further and further and just worsen the situation instead of finding resolution for it. Thank you so much for those who will understand, but for those who still think the same, I hope you would try to understand more and throw that angry feeling of yours away. :|
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
A Regained Trust
At exactly 10 o'clock in the evening, flying kitchen utensils, broken dining table and the smashed door of our room - these are the things that welcomed me home. All these were done by my angry and disappointed dad. I ran quickly to our room to ask my siblings what happened. My knees trembled. my heart beats and pumps twice as much blood. My mom told me that dad found out the secret I've been keeping eight months then. I don't want to mention it directly here but let's just say that it is something that really made my dad lose his full trust on me. It was a total shocking experience for me. I don't have anything in mind that time but to sincerely apologize to my dad. I felt very guilty. I prayed asking God to give me enough courage to say sorry to my dad and admit that it was completely my fault.
The next day, I gave him a letter I wrote and I talked to him. I told him all the reasons why I've done such act and I promised to make up for my mistake. I can see the ungratefulness and disappointment on my dad's face. He only opened his mouth once and said, " I am really disappointed with what you did and it made me lose my trust on you. But because you promise that you will never do it again, I forgive you. I am like this to you because I love you".
This experience really changed my whole being. From a daughter who doesn't believe that my parents do love me, I am now a daughter who knows and believes that my parents love and trust me a lot. There is no reason for me to keep any secret or to do something out of their will.
This is the one I wrote for our first writing exercise in our Journalism class. Miss C commented "Good!" for this paper :D
Saturday, June 27, 2009
HOW IT ALL BEGAN :)

“Just dance!”
Simple, compassionate and gullible- these were just some of the adjectives that could best describe me. I may seem to be a trouble-free person but there is something bugging my mind and that is the desire to make use of my God-given talent through the art of dancing.
My eyes were further opened when I first saw C*CATT (Creative Communicators and Artists Talent Team) Street Elite Crew, the official dance troupe of the Miriam College Communication Department, groove in the First Year Orientation. I was stunned by the marvelous dance moves of the group and told myself that I will audition for I feel that it is the right time to venture into the field which has been part of my loves and dreams since I was young. I have been planning to join a dance club since high school however, that time; I don’t have enough bravery to try for auditions.
Just like in fairytales, it was dream come true when I finally passed the screening of the group. The first few days of trainings were a bit difficult but I managed to adjust and do my best during trainings and performances. We perform in school orientations, invitational guestings, street dance competitions (Skechers, ETC, RX), etc. Being part of C*CATT is something I am most passionate about. It has become a totally all-consuming passion. It has left me invigorated-physically and mentally. Night and day, I have the dance routines permanently pictured in my mind. C*CATT has given me something new that I could throw myself into. It is also an opportunity to know other dancers from other schools who are also trained under the same studio, the Orange Dance Studio in
I have reached this quite far and for that, I would like to extend my warmest gratitude to God, family and friends for being my powerful driving forces in pursuing my career as a dancer. I would also like to thank our choreographers, Nay Jen and Tay Dex for sharing with me their creative juices in dancing. And lastly, to my beloved C*CATT, let us keep on dancing until our bodies won’t let us anymore.
These are just some of the photos of our group. For more, visit my multiply site tuibeo.multiply.com :D thanks!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
A Day In My Shoes
To spend a life for me means living without too much unnecessary needs and wants. One accurate reason would be because I cannot afford having such. However, knowing my own personality, a simple citizen of this country, I can proudly say I cannot be like that even if I am better-off like Lopez, Ayala, etc. I hope that as you read my paper you’d see yourself how it is living one day on my shoes.
From Tuesdays to Fridays, I’d wake up early in the morning. Probably two hours before my 1st class or sometimes, when I need to finish a requirement on that morning, I’d wake up at around 4 o’clock. I usually get up first before I hear my cell phone alarm. At times, I’d ask my mother to wake me up and one good thing is that I am not hard to wake up. Little noises are big disturbances to me. However, on weekends, the latest time that I’d wake up is 12nn and as teenagers would call it, I’ll be eating “brunch” (breakfast and lunch) on lunch time. 
Blockmates!
Eating breakfast is like a mood for me. When I’m happy and bouncy, I would eat a lot for breakfast so that I can save money for early lunch at school and I can have bountiful amount of energy. But when I am not, I’d go straight to the bathroom and take a shower. Since our family can be classified as below average or average type of family in the Philippine setting, my mother would always prepare hotdog, embutido, scrambled egg, noodles or Lucky Me Hot and Spicy Pancit Canton or if she cannot cook for me she would buy goto at the nearby eatery. Any of those for breakfast is enough for me. I don’t ask for something new.
After ten minutes of eating, I’d go taking a bath for 15- 20 minutes while 20- 40 minutes during weekends. I can’t do a lot and stay a little longer inside the bathroom because I should hurry so that I won’t be late for my first class.
I spend 15- 20 minutes dressing up for school but whenever I go somewhere, in the mall or to a party, 20 – 30 minutes would be enough to make me all ready. We don’t have maids of course so I do all the ironing and sorting of our clothes except for washing. We hire a lady to do the washing for us.
Sometimes, when it isn’t raining or the weather is not too hot, my father and I would ride our
That’s how everyday, especially in college for me. All school days are the same to me. It only varies on the things I am going to do in school. Sometimes, we have plain lectures, quizzes, oral reports, graded recitation, written exams and sometimes, the professor isn’t around. Well, that’s how school day goes for me. And it goes again and again every day.
During weekends, some teenagers like me would go shopping in the mall and attending parties but I’d rather stay home and do more important things there. During Saturdays, it’s either I go to school for work (I am a college scholar and I am required to do work in school.), attend dance training or stay home. As a college scholar, I am assigned to work in the Administrative Services Office (AO) for 70 hours per semester. Good thing this semester, I only have to work half of the working hours so that makes it 35 hours because fortunately, I made it in the dean’s list last semester. It’s automatic that the working hours of a college scholar who made it in the dean’s list will be divided into half. It’s actually one of my driving forces why I study really very hard.
On Sundays, I’d wake up at 12nn again but sometimes, actually most of the time, when there’s a big need to work on my assignments on Saturdays and Sundays, I’d wake up at around 8 am. Attending mass is the highlight of my Sundays. I’d see to it that I hear mass every Sunday, however, due to sickness and sometimes, my homeworks, I can no longer attend mass and I only hear mass on TV. Just last February 2009, I became a member of St. Cecillia’s Liturgical Children’s Choir. Actually, I’m not really into singing but I want to sing for Him although I cannot really sing in good tune. Most of the members are children ages 10- 17 years old.
ST CECILLA'S CHOIR
When I was in grade school and high school, Monday is a school day. But come college, Monday is no longer a school day but a day to either rest, do loads of homeworks, attend organization where I am a member, or simply stay home. Well, Monday is also a work day for me. I usually go to school to work and afterwards, go home or either attend training.
When it comes to shopping and preferences for certain types of products, I am neither a very meticulous nor a choosy type of buyer. Aside from the fact that I don’t have much money to splurge on highly branded apparels, foot wears and accessories, I can satisfy myself with clothes sold in RTWs, Divisoria, Greenhills, tiangges, dry market and ukay-ukay. I don’t buy expensive branded things. Neither do I ask my parents nor friends to buy me such. I am fine with products which aren’t that expensive and aren’t branded for as long as they suit my simple
During spare times like summer vacations, semestral breaks, and holidays, I usually stay home. I am not so much into traveling to some places except of course if a family friend of us invited us for free, somewhere in Boracay or Tagaytay which happened three years ago. At home, I think there are a lot of things I do there during spare time. Sporty and outgoing (not literally that I often like going out :p) - those are just some of the adjectives to describe me. My friends and I play volleyball and badminton outside our house. Sometimes, I also play basketball which I learned to love just last semester because of our PE104 class. Just last summer, I also learned to love playing cards. My friend taught me how to play cards and my older sister even taught me how to play poker. While on the other side,
C*CATT AND SCANDOLLZ ( my highschool barkada :P )
As for my preparation for the future, I make it a point to understand and be able to apply all the important processes and ideas I have learned in school because I know that more or less, those would be my weapons as I enter the corporate world. Just last Friday, we met in our TV prod class and I’m so overwhelmed by the way everything goes in TV so I would really listened very carefully so that I’d learn so much. My classmate and I are planning to apply in ABS-CBN for internship. This TV Prod class would be very beneficial for my future OJT and work days. I also want to be trained in Radio Production. I want to be a DJ or maybe someone who works for radio. After two to three years, I am planning to work abroad. My parents are of great influence to me so they said that I should work abroad because of high salary. Honestly, I am not yet sure if I’m going to pursue this but if times and situations call for it, I might as well take it.
In one to two years, I’d be in the real world, working and earning a living. When I entered college, I started to prepare myself to become a responsible person. I think that the right time to start is now. I treat every professor as a boss and every task as a job assigned to me and I am paid so I should do my best to give a good output and become an outstanding employee/ college student.
All of these comprise my personal lifestyle, plans for the future, habits and activities. Well, life is not a matter of spending it the way you want, but treating everyday like it’s the last.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Transformation: It's Within My Hands :)
Transformation simply means the occurrence of a personal experience which gives a kind of positive change in the spiritual and emotional aspect of a human person. To change myself can be a frightening or rewarding experience, transforming into something and someone I’ve never been, or never saw myself as becoming. Spiritually, emotionally, physically, they are one in the same within me, and to change any, or all of those, is a big responsibility.
The way to personal transformation will never be seen in the lives of other people but in me alone, because believe it or not, it is totally different for each and every one of us. Society dictates about idolizing and following another human being who has been through all these problems and has achieved genuine happiness. In that case, I don’t want to oppose the notion that those kinds of people give me inspiration and encourage me to strive more to be able to succeed in life as well. But that is, I think the shallow sense of making someone as my motivation in all the things that I will do. The path to my own personal transformation will never be reached by merely lending my ears and acting upon what successful people have done in attempt to complete their desired goals. These kinds of drive and motivation may reflect truth and happiness. However, the truth and happiness that those show are conventional but not the truth itself. I should and must have my own and exceptional mental picture of life and bliss. That vision will most likely be expressed and accomplished as I seek for the real meaning of all these things.
To be totally transformed, it is necessary for me to know that all those things are guided within. It may sound old school but the only thing that has never changed and will never ever be changed in this universe is the idea of change and transformation. Everything will definitely change and everyone has the right to change especially if that transformation will bring forth the real happiness one has been looking for. I need not to compare my life with that of other people but the best way is for me to weigh all the pertinent things in my life, discern that one single thing which I personally believe will make me thousand notches happier than how I am right now and start my journey. I shall begin doing it my own, meet other people that would help me attain happiness, be subjected to failure and reach transformation. Now ask yourselves and reflect. Have you recognized your real happiness? Have you started doing it all by yourself? This is all what I mean by own personal transformation.