Protecting Myself Is Not The Same As Saying I'm Guilty...

This is a blog item I've drafted last April 11, 2008. I edited some parts to make the message clearer and to lessen some grammatical errors (I hope) :|


It was a coincident. I didn’t really intend to recall all the bad things that had happened on that day last year. Maybe it was destiny already that brought me out to say my side and defend myself from all the wrong perceptions and thoughts you guys have on me. I was really saddened by the feed backs I heard and I cannot take being talked about or being thought of things which aren’t really true.


I thought everything was alright when I stated my side during that day. I thought everyone understood that it isn’t really my fault. I was set-up. I thought that you sympathize with me as how you sympathize with the other people involved. I thought my name was cleared from the moment we went out from the place and leave the entire occurrence that really shocked us all. And now I realized, as I come close to the end of this particular paragraph, all my statements above start with the phrase "I thought". And once I again, I thought you've forgiven me. However, I was wrong.

The issue didn’t stop there and as to what I've learned from those people who believe in me, everybody still feels the same thing about me. They think the same way and look at me with rages in their eyes. Those prejudices hurt me so much to the point of losing my sense of belonging and feeling the pain of not being listened and heard regarding my side. I feel so down because people tend to accuse me of things I didn't really do. You guys prime the conversation saying that it’s impossible that the thing was simply put by the woman and that there’s a greater possibility that the other thing is with me as well. You know how it hurts to be accused with the things you really did not do at all? Of course, I also understand the feeling of the victim but being blamed with the act is much more painful because all people’s eyes were on me as they watch and interrogate about the crime they thought I'm into. Bad words, negative perceptions, show-offs, accusations, being talked about and most especially, SILENT TREATMENT hurt the most. All along, I thought people are kind to me. But, one day, I’ll find out that they are just being plastic to me. People ceased being close to me because at the back of their minds is the incident that had happened. I cannot blame you for seeing things like that but I just hope that you would also understand my part. As what I’ve always said, I did not do the things you thought I did. I said this before and I will keep on saying this, only heaven knows what's true. I know that this might not have an effect on you guys but I know for a mere fact that you are understanding enough that your eyes will be further open to what is real. I just stated what I really feel here because I don’t want to be stabbed on my back. We are friends and sisters before these things had happened and I hope that we could restore the friendship we had before. I hope that this won’t be another venue for you guys to talk about these things further and further and just worsen the situation instead of finding resolution for it. Thank you so much for those who will understand, but for those who still think the same, I hope you would try to understand more and throw that angry feeling of yours away. :|